The Bank Chain Reaction
by SuperBear
Summary: Sheldon goes to the bank and discovers his regular teller is gone. You and I could handle that. Not Sheldon.


"I can help you here," the teller offered.

Sheldon Cooper did not step toward her. Though there was some slight twitching movement of his head, he remained standing exactly where he was.

"But Lori is the one who usually helps me," he protested.

"I'm sorry. Lori is in the hospital," the teller said.

With a sad look, Sheldon shook his head. "Why do these things always happen to me?" he sighed.

Reluctantly, the tall lanky Sheldon stepped toward the teller as he delivered his monologue. "Lori is the one who always helps me. Lori knows exactly what currency I need and in what specific amounts. Which is not that hard since I've written it all down. But Lori is efficient and she doesn't bother me with unnecessary chit-chat. You're not Lori," he added pointedly.

The pretty teller, with her strong resemblance to Lucy Liu, offered a strained smile. "I should be able to help you."

"I hope so. I just want to get my cash and be on my way." Sheldon opened a laptop and began pressing keys. "My time is very valuable. I'm a theoretical physicist. I need to be unlocking the secrets of the universe. Not standing around waiting to get cash."

"I understand."

"And my friend Leonard is waiting." Sheldon pointed to a short bespectacled fellow who stood with his arms crossed as he looked up at the ceiling.

"So let's hurry this along, shall we?" Sheldon snapped his fingers then returned to working on his laptop.

The teller was starting to see why the others had stuck her with this guy.

"I saw that," Sheldon said. "Don't roll your eyes at me."

A middle-aged woman approached. "Julia, here are the receipts for yesterday."

Sheldon's head moved from side to side as he did a slight double-take.

"Excuse me! I'm trying to get something done here. Don't jump in front of me."

The woman gave him a look. "I'm not jumping in front of you, sir. I'm just turning over some receipts."

Sheldon's hands went to his hips as he looked slightly stern. "Just make sure you don't cut in line. No cuts, no 'but's,' no coconuts."

As the middle-aged woman walked away, Julia looked icy, and she contained her sigh. "I'll need to see some I-D, sir."

"I-D!" Sheldon exclaimed. "You must be new here. That's going to slow things down." In a kind of huff, he produced an ID card. "Lori never asked for I-D. Didn't I say my time was valuable?"

Containing yet another sigh, Julia studied the card.

"This isn't a driver's license."

"It's a state-issued I-D card. I can drive. I just choose not to. I'm too evolved to drive. I'm homo habilis." At Julia's confused look, Sheldon clapped his hands. "Just get me that cash. Chop chop!"

Briefly, Julia examined the check. "You also forgot to endorse this check."

Sheldon shook his head. "I don't forget things like that." When she showed him the back of the check, Sheldon did another slight double-take. "Oh, dear. Even though I have an eidetic memory, I must have been so distracted when I saw Lori wasn't here that it just slipped my mind."

He felt his pockets. "And I seem to have lost my pen."

As he started to walk away, Sheldon said, "Don't let anyone take my place."

Sheldon's awkward gait bore some resemblance to that of C-3P0. As he walked to a nearby table, he shook his head and muttered to himself.

"This makes about as much sense as a flu shot. Where they actually inject me with the flu. Why are they giving me the flu? I'm trying to avoid getting the flu!"

"Sheldon, can we just get this done and go?" Sheldon's friend and roommate Leonard Hofstadter stood with arms crossed and an impatient look as he bounced on his toes.

Sheldon threw up his hands. "I'm trying, Leonard, believe me. It's everyone else who's not being helpful or cooperative."

That's when Sheldon collided with someone. And that's when the chain reaction took place.

Leonard told the story later in the apartment with his three main friends.

"Somehow when Sheldon bumped into that person, that person collided with someone else and then that person collided with yet another person." Leonard shook his head. "It was a lot like that time in the cafeteria when I was wearing my new contact lenses."

"Oh, I remember that," Howard Wolowitz said.

"All those people crashing into each other," Raj Koothrappali said. "One person got a tray of food in her face. It was hee-larious," he said with a broad smile.

"It wasn't that bad," Sheldon said as the four ate Thai food. "As usual, Leonard is exaggerating."

"It sounds bad," Howard said.

"Normally I don't bump into people like that but I was probably distracted because Lori wasn't there," Sheldon said.

"Maybe you have some form of A-D-D," Raj suggested.

"Oh, with the way I focus that seems unlikely." As he looked down, Sheldon tugged on his Flash T-shirt. "Hey, there's lint on my shirt."

Raj smiled. "I saw a funny T-shirt the other day. It said, 'A-D-D. Attention Deficit Dis—Hey, look! A butterfly!'" He laughed. "So funny."

"Anyway," Leonard said. "That's why Sheldon doesn't use banks. That, and he's afraid that when the machines rise up, A-T-M's will lead the charge." Leonard raised a fist as if ordering a charge.

Sheldon shook his head. "Leonard, the way you told that story," he said. "In the name of all that's good and decent in this gloriously complex universe of ours, why must you overdramatize everything?"


End file.
